Hold my hand, Hold my world

It was a cold night on Christmas, With half of the world celebrating the most important day of the year. Kids wishing for a few gifts from Santa and most of them fulfilled that day. I looked at the sky and wanted to wish, However, scared to express it. Nothing more than a single wish I pleaded to the sky. Hoping it would hear and break a star. I tried to make clues thru the stars and kept staring till I found one. It was the first letter of her name.

When I think about it now, I feel like an absolute stupid to find clues in the sky. To design alphabets in the sky with dotted stars around. I giggle sometimes when I think of all the thoughts I had during that Christmas.

Evening was still setting and Night still in its infancy when I picked her up for a party. She was ready in her red party dress. All style studded, wrapped with elegance and perfected to love. Guess it was purposely designed sleeveless to be kissed on the shoulder for the beauty it enhanced. It was just a dress till the time I gifted to her, However, today after she wore it I felt as if it was the single most perfectly designed thing ever made on this earth. Apologies for extra effort to describe it, but I am still finding myself as beggar for words to match the emotions I felt when I saw her that night.

For a moment after we sat in the car, I was not able to take my eyes off her. She smiled and asked me if we intend to attend the party. I said yes, once get my heart beats back which had stopped the moment I saw my lady in red. She smiled and asked me if she was looking good? I am not sure how to express the expression I gave. I was in a state of extreme pleasure and happiness. Trying to sum up my feelings in a few words, I said, “Beauty is envying you today”.

We drove to a friends place which had the best combination of drinks and dance, food and friends, gimmick and games. We enjoyed the food, She wanted to drink and hence I decided to keep myself away from it as I was driving that day. Wine and winter was setting in her eyes, She danced like a kid, limitless and fearless. Her smile was my treasure and I promised to myself to keep her smiling this way all her life. While day dreaming and promising myself a life, She dragged me on the small dance floor. The warmth of her presence and her fragrance made me feel intoxicated. I felt high on my senses. For a few moments I think I was blessed with the softest touch, most enriching breathes, inexpressible beauty, all enclosed in my arms.

The waltz in those dim lights made me a poet for the night. In her eyes, I felt my endless dream world. The curves of her smile, which straightened all the worries and gave a meaning to my being. The innocent lips which had a tiny black dot on it was the most attention seeking thing asking me to lock it with mine. I hadn’t felt so aware yet so lost in time. She had a little flap on her tummy, the strongest hands I had ever held, yet so silky and a perfect fit in mine. I felt the warmth of her breath on my face. The closer we got, the deeper I went into her eyes. Our dance turned slower and we stared in each others eyes, to find the answers we both were seeking for. After a few seconds she stepped away. The hesitation left me speechless. I could not say anything. All I spoke was, ok!

As they say, Life often is unfair, I never understood the way life was designed with all imperfect things. Here the perfect thing felt to me as a misfit. With no reason in mind I felt unfulfilled and incomplete with emotions.

We behaved casually and jovial throughout the party. While driving back, I decided to keep my eyes more on the empty road rather than her, She had the power to halt my thoughts. She was looking at me but didn’t speak, Her hands on mine while changing the gears felt comforting. We both knew our questions and answers for life, however, that night seemed like an exception.

I need a coffee she said, It was a strange request from a non coffee drinker. She also insisted to drive for a while. Without any questions, I decided to change seats. She asked for help on changing gears, Since the road was empty it was completely safe. Like a poet, I said, I will hold your hands whenever in life you need to change the gears. She pinched me in my palms softly and smiled a bit. It was an icebreaker for the night. The momentary awkwardness was broken. I changed the gear to 1st while holding her hand on it. She drove perfectly, with a few hiccups for a learner.

While she parked the car, I stared at the sky. Wishing a single star breaking. Nothing happened. She hugged me from the back and whispered if we shall sit inside the café, its cold out here. I pulled her in the front covered her with my jacket, held her in my arms as we walked inside the café. The aroma of coffee and perfect Christmas music made the night peaceful and serene. After her first sip, she held my hand closer to her. She was cold like a dead person, All chilled skin.

Chats seemed never ending, I insisted to leave as it was already closer to mid night. Seemed like the day had ended well. With some unplanned questions in my mind I asked her if she would be spending the rest of nights of her life with me, I promised to make all nights worth counting and adding happiness. She didn’t answer. Just held my hand and looked outside the window. With a tear dropping out her eye, I felt an answer which was not suited to be discussed. With a promise to not make her cry, I felt like sipping it, But she wiped it. We drove. On the way to ensure she keeps smiling, I asked her if she would want to spend her life with me. I mentioned the name of the street plus marry me prefix of the name. At the signal I asked for the promise to marry me if the signal turns green. It did turn green but life’s signals were still red.

She giggled after my few attempts to make her lighten her feelings. She held my hand one hand closer to her heart and I could feel the lubdub. She kissed on the hand and held it closer to her neck. I pulled her in my arms, Kissed on her head and gave an unsaid promise to keep her warm and smiling in all cold days and nights.

As good times feels shorter, I was soon at her door step. She opened her arms wide and hugged me. Kissed me on the neck and expressed her delight for the time spent together. I said I am no poet but

I am feeling butterflies in me, named U
I understand this dream is difficult to come true
I wish to keep sleeping in that case to see u
Someday, Let the four letter bridge connect I and you.
I will pray, when I open my eyes, my one wish to come true.

She smiled and went out of the car, on her way back to her house. She stopped and returned, Asked me, whats the four letter bridge connecting me and you ? I replied “I LOVE YOU!” With a smile she said my name for the first time through out the day, “Nikie”. I couldn’t reply, just said “Sleep Serene Moonlight !” She smiled and walked away.

We held hands throughout the day and I felt as if we did’t want to let each other go. When life was pulling both of us away, we were keeping our worlds connected. The feelings, the unspoken promises and indefinable expressions were my precision for the night. I am unsure of her but to me it felt like a dream, Which today feels a dreaming day..

Hope the change in year next week makes my wishes come true. Till then I remain waiting to be bridged by love from you.

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3 thoughts on “Hold my hand, Hold my world

  1. Each moment is nicely described..and it took me to an imaginary world wherein i was forced to imagine these moments….

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