This is about the feeling that i often feel just somewhere between the heart and stomach. I dont intend to raise a biological quiz here, Infact what i want to say is its a feeling which is less intense than the movement of emotions in the heart and butterflies in the stomach. Critics may argue that emotions are in the mind and not in the heart. Well, Of course, but when i get such feelings i tend not to think so much logically.
It happened again today, I am sure this has happened to a lot of you. I tried to find a closer word to this feeling, but i couldn’t, thats the reason i decided to write this. Possible nominations for the closest word award were Anxiety, nervousness, daydream, attraction. But all didn’t quite fit well.
Anjali, Her friends called her angie, A content human being who doesn’t wish great things from life. Ambitious and hard working, partied harder. She ensured to take out some time to admire the beauty of things happening around hard work and harder enjoyable party. It felt a greater than a conversation to me. Like an invisible being who is just an observer. Like an audience of a well made movie.
I um… and i stopped, this is a feeling of those million times that i thought of saying what i felt, but the words didn’t fit right. As this was not the feeling which said that i was in love with you. It was much greater unspoken conversation which was marginally expressed by a silent look for a fraction of second. Nothing much was ever accomplished by this unknown discussion except for loss of memory when i try to recollect the last one.
We travelled together, at times it felt like she could listen to the song being played in my ipod. I removed the earbuds from my ears to check the volume level, but it was silent for a spectator. Just to make sure you know. Attending this conversation, luckily I have never bumped myself into anything while walking. Possible that I become auto attentive to take the safest path which would lead me ahead. It was blinding the vision around. or rather blurred it.
It felt like a jigsaw puzzle blocks made for each other which makes things right and solve jumbled equation of thoughts. Complimenting each other. A happy feeling when two blocks met, knowing that they would fall apart but enjoying the happiness of present time.
This is the time of life in a day where I am unaffected by happiness or sadness of life. There isn’t anything that changes the mindset, Its like floating above the water. The just right feeling. When she talks and I listen. The unspoken silent words. What isnt a part is the noise. The noise of responsibilities or time. The noise of what next ? and what for ? Its a peaceful presence of a silence dialogue in the mind.
This raises a question in my mind about the reality. Which world is the real world? The one where there are others, a world with flesh and bones? or Is it the world that was observing, the place where i had a conversation with Anjali. I have never met her in person, but she exists. Its what i feel exactly at the place i mentioned earlier, Centre of the Heart and stomach.. And it feels as real as i feel right now. The mind is sitting in a slippery state where it slips into a world which they call a Daydream, but i feel that is the real world.
Why is it that there is only one common being in both the world. Thats me.
This is the feeling that strangely makes me happy over the existence. Over the smiles and tears. Well I could not understand the right place for this thought which often oscillates between the two worlds. I could not find the right word, as am still wondering where is it really i belong.